Day 44

Earlier on today I was sitting watching a football game using an online site because I'm too tight to pay for sky.

My wife woke up very early and, as a result of her trying to get the dog out of the bedroom quietly, I woke up early. So I was awake from 9ish and watching this game about 12ish. Don't know why but at about 1pm it occurred to me that, under normal circumstances, I would have already smoked around 30 cigarettes. It was a day off thing. I just smoked constantly until about two in the afternoon.

Giving up smoking will make you a slightly better person in the morning. Don't get me wrong, it won't make up for personality disorders like mine but, it will make you slightly more bearable in the morning. Should you care? Yes you should. Whether you realise it or not you've probably been a grumpy git for years in the morning. How do I know this? Because one of the things that drove me nuts was not getting the required amount of nicotine in the morning. You need to leave early to get somewhere and that means that you can't have two cigs and a coffee before you go. Will you be a ray of sunshine? Don't think so. In fact I really used to get quite upset at people, wife included, who thought it was reasonable to get up and do stuff without allowing time for cigs and coffee.

The more I quit the more I realise that what I've given up is more than just smoking. Whether you realise it or not smoking is a way of life. It does limit you. No I'm not going all non smoker on you but now that I've given up I realise. Five years ago I went to New York. What I liked was that, as a smoker, I spent a lot of time outside bars talking to people whilst I smoked. As a non smoker will I miss this? No. Believe it or not non smokers are allowed to go outside. The reason I mention this is because I'm going to start going out more often.

One of the distinct advantages that I had over the whole world as a smoker was... My ability to remove myself from a situation and return with all the answers. Sometimes because all that was needed was time to think. Sometimes because all that was needed was to discuss things with another smoker. Have I given up being able to walk away and think? Have I given up being able to ask? One of the worst withdrawal symptoms of quitting is that you get a bit irritable. A bit short with folk. Lose a bit of concentration. Maybe that's got nothing to do with smoking. Maybe it's because people forget that the advantages of smoking have nothing to do with nicotine and everything to do with the people that smoke. Maybe it's time for me to get back out amongst the smokers. I've always trusted them over the non-smokers.

Today was easy. Have I ever said that before? See you tomorrow....