Day 38

Well here goes with another a week. Depending who's rules you follow it's either 11 days since I smoked that cig back on day 27 or 23 days since I quit back on day 15. Either way it's pretty cool.

What's not so cool is that I still get cravings. Now according to Allen Carr that may be because it takes around three weeks for nicotine to clear your system from the last time you smoked. Following that logic I've got more than a week to carry on before the cravings stop. According to the book even at that stage the physical cravings may stop but actually if I don't get myself mentally in the right place I might still spend my time missing cigs.

Now, forgive me if I've got this wrong but, wasn't the point of taking Champix supposed to be that it stopped the physical cravings? Wouldn't the ideal quit method be to do the Allen Carr bit whilst on Champix? Why do I feel that I'm getting the short end of the wedge here? The Champix isn't doing what it's supposed to and Carr isn't convincing me.

New theory. The doc has prescribed a placebo. I'm having no side effects from Champix because I'm actually going cold turkey. The few odd changes I'm experiencing are the result of nicotine withdrawal.

The plan. Only change to the plan is that thanks to advice of Mr Carr I don't even get to make excuses for a sympathy smoke at some point in the future. Here's the deal at the moment. It's 11 days since I even had a puff of a cig. Trust me on that one. It's another 10 days using the Carr theory before I'm clear. (at least ten days). I'm five weeks into a twelve week dose of Champix. I must be close to, If I'm not actually already being, a non smoker. Yes folks, we're going to tough this out and see what happens. The only real question will be, is non smoking a constant sacrifice that I eventually cave in to, or can I actually start to just enjoy it?

Know what option I'm preferring but, there's always the gamble. Stay hooked....

Day 37

Well it looks like Kelly is fast approaching the 100 hours mark. You'll have been a non smoker for a week very soon. That's pretty impressive for someone who quit on day eight because they didn't want to waste any more money on smoking.

Regular readers will have sussed out that I have got into a routine of updating this blog before I go to bed. It's just the best time for me to get my thoughts together. I do however check the blog at least once or twice a day. Normally when I get up in the morning and can't remember what I wrote the night before and when I check my emails later in the day. It's particularly exciting when you check and there's a new comment. This morning when I checked Kelly mentioned Allen Carrs book in her comments. I've heard of this book on a couple of occasions and have put off looking into it as the last thing I need is a book to give me sensible reasons to quit smoking. But Kelly mentioned she had it in PDF format which meant that it was out there on the Internet. I typed 'Allen Carr, PDF' and it was the first find. If only it were that easy to find this blog. I've linked to the pdf at the side if you don't want to search and fancy reading it.

So since it was free and only just over 100 pages I thought, I'll give it a try. Since the guy's a world authority on his subject I don't want to criticize his methods however I do think he over simplifies the whole thing. He also refuses to accept that anyone likes smoking and strengthens his argument by pointing out that all smokers want to quit. He talks of how he loathed smoking but just couldn't quit. I doubt very much that he would believe me if I said that, I liked smoking. I didn't want to quit. Yes it was making me feel ill. Yes smoking made me feel like an outcast. Yes I was addicted but, I didn't loath it or myself. Yes I wish I'd never started but, I know why I did and I am not lying when I say that I enjoyed it. I am also not lying when I say that giving up feels bloody hellish. The book covers this. Turns out I just think I feel hellish. Also turns out that because I feel hellish I'll probably smoke again. Nope.

So why have I linked the book on my blog if I don't rate it? It doesn't completely work for me but I can follow the logic and it may help others. Also, I may not have fallen for it hook, line and sinker but some of it hit home. I'm not going to have that cigar I mentioned yesterday or in fact another cigarette ever. That's the truth. What he made perfectly clear and I understand completely is that one single draw of a cigarette is the start of a cycle that starts you smoking. I wish I had read the stuff about not torturing yourself by cutting down as well although, there's no way I'd have got from 40 cigs to zero the way he did. A lot of the book plays on peoples sense of pride. Nobody wants to be the weakling. Sorry Allen but your a bigger man than me and I admit it. You went from 100 to zero in a single breath. Good for you.

If everything in his book was as black and white as he paints it, forget smoking, addiction would not exist. Addiction whether harmful or not is usually stronger than logic and has a combination of physical and emotional triggers that combine to ensure that the addict cannot ignore the addiction. Just because you can sleep for eight hours without a cigarette doesn't mean that you have all the tools in your armour to beat your addiction. Think of the people who are a addicted to drink or drugs simply because they need something to get them to sleep.

I'm really pleased that Kelly pointed me to this book though. As I found myself getting angry at some of the over simplistic arguments being proposed I also found that I was angry with myself for picking holes in the arguments. At the risk of sounding like Al Gore writing about the environment there were two very inconvenient truths in the book that I had to accept. Two truths that make the book worth reading even if you don't buy into the whole thing.

First, when you give up you have to completely and utterly give up (which is what I've struggled with). You can't have a cigarette in three days, three weeks, three months or even three years because if you do you will have to give up all over again.

Second, There's absolutely no point moping about it. You are giving up so that you can feel well again and you will, even in spite of yourself, start to feel well again. You are not some sort of martyr because you've given up (and I really am guilty of this) you are not depriving yourself of something that you need and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself that you'll never smoke again. What I need to get my head round is the fact that I've made a decision and need to stick to it. If smoking was doing me any good I wouldn't be trying so hard to quit. It would be far more disappointing for me to go through this and then start smoking again than it will be to never smoke another cig in my life.

So there you have it. If you're reading this blog then you either are quitting or are thinking about it. Click the link and read the book. For some people that's all the help they need. If you are going to try to quit using just the book I'd love to know how you get on. That really would be extreme quitting. Till tomorrow..

Day 36

There's a cigar in my office. It's been kicking about there for almost three years. At one time there were five of them but now only one remains. What a waste it would be to have that cigar sit there in a house full of non smokers. I have a plan for that poor cigar. I like to set myself milestones and get little rewards when I achieve each. Next Thursday I have an appointment with the doc. Next Weekend I'm going to treat myself to that cigar.

In spite of what I've said above, I'm getting pretty used to this no-smoking lark. Now that I have a reward to look forward to it will probably be even easier. It's just the way my twisted brain works. Chances are that by next weekend I wont even want the cigar but, it's not so much having the cigar as, being allowed to have the cigar, that counts. Am I nuts?

No major plans for the weekend so tomorrow I'm just going to kick back and chill. My garden still shows signs of the worst ravages of winter so I may get a brush out and start clearing but, maybe not. We'll see how I feel. I've actually got to a point where I don't need to keep busy every minute to keep my mind off smoking. That in itself is a good sign. I'd almost washed all the paint off the car.

Also, last night I had a dream. I only mention it because, regular readers will already know, I don't ever remember dreams. I don't remember all the detail and what I do remember doesn't exactly make sense however it was a dream and I do remember having it. That's as near to a side effect as I've ever had. Watch this space to see if it becomes a recurrent theme.

Well past bedtime now. I fell asleep in front of the TV earlier. Shows how good the program was. I didn't want to miss a post though so thought I'd get it in before bed.

Night night world. see you in the morning.

Day 35

Well folks. In about15 minutes it will be three full weeks since my quit date and five full weeks since I started on the Champix.

It seems odd to say but it has been a strange, almost accidental, chain of events that has got me here. With almost two weeks off at Christmas I was drinking and smoking almost all day every day. Late at night my resting breath sounded like Darth Vader after a marathon and in the morning it was taking over an hour and several cigs before I could really get a breath between coughs. I can't remember precisely the date but I made my mind up that, much as I loved smoking, it finally had to stop. This was not some preplanned new years resolution. I don't do those.

Fast forward to 05/01/10 and work takes me to a new location to help out with the implementation of a new system that we've spent the last six months training. I'm working with the manager of a team and excuse myself to go for a smoke. At this point giving up is something that I will do at some point but not right now. When I come back the manager explains that he gave up in mid November and got right through Christmas without smoking. What's more it wasn't that difficult.

If he'd been evangelical about it I'd have politely ignored him. If he'd made comments about how much or how often I'd smoked I'd have told him to piss off. Instead he explained that he hadn't particularly planned to stop. He had a sister who smoked a ridiculous amount (60+ per day) who was ill and needed to stop. She took Champix and was now stopped for two years. Last year her partner (also a heavy smoker) managed the same. So this guy thought, why not give it a try. He hadn't even planned to quit. Like me he lied to his doc about nothing else working and got Champix. Within two weeks he was quit.

One of the things that worried me about quitting was the withdrawal symptoms. I work in front of folk all day every day and really can't afford to be spaced out or highly strung. This guy did not seem like someone who was going through withdrawal. I asked about side effects and he said that the pills made him feel sick but otherwise nothing. He brought in the leaflet from the pack for me to read and I took it home and showed my wife. I asked other smokers and they all seemed to have known someone who took Champix. Some were success stories whilst others told of yellowing eyes (Liver problems) and extreme dreams that affected people for the rest of the day. The Internet told an even more extreme story of murders, suicide and the FDA considering withdrawing the drug from the American Market (these guys don't even allow sucrose).

So why did i go to my doctor and ask for Champix? There comes a point where you have to trust what you see. The guy in work seemed fine on the pills. You have to trust yourself and your friends. My wife was well aware of the side effects and we agreed that, any sign of depression or anger, I would stop taking pills and start smoking again with no recriminations.

My doc was awful kean for me to join a group or at least take those breath tests at the Chemist. Not my style. Lots of quit sites recommend you tell everybody or get sponsored. If anyone had even dared to mention sponsorship I would have refused to stop there and then. I did let my boss know but only to cover myself if anything went wrong.

So here we are, about nine weeks or so into the year and I'm five weeks in to the pills and three wees off the cigarettes. Easy? Nope. Enjoyable? Nope. Rewarding? Nope. Anything at all to recommend it? I can't swear to it but I don't think I've coughed this whole week. I can breathe out forcefully and all you hear is air, no hisses or crackles or bronchial stuff. Any downside? I may not crave cigs as much as I used to but I do genuinely miss them.

So now you know. Tomorrow.....

Day 34

Not the greatest day in the world of Champix. After Alison telling us about her headaches and generally feeling weird Kerry has got back in touch (comments on day 32) to say that she's off the pills as well. I almost feel guilty that I haven't had any real side effects at all.

On the plus side Kerry was doing pretty well and may have got enough from the Champix to go it alone now. I hope so. My mentor emailed me today to say that he's now been finished with Champix for a full week and that he's had no kickback from the Champix or sudden cravings to smoke.

Kelly also stumbled across this little smokers corner on day 32 and came back to say she's making the bold attempt to give up on day eight. I went back and checked how I was doing on day eight and it's got to be said that Kelly's braver than me. Kelly if you read from day 15 onwards it may give you some idea of how the next few days might feel. I'd love to know how you get on. You may prove just what a wimp I was when it came to actually stopping. Go for it.

Today I discovered another plus. If you type 'trying to quit smoking with Champix' in to a google search this blog is on page two of the results. tHAT'S LIKE BEING TOP OF THE CHARTS. (tHIS F***ING CAPS LOCK IS BUSTIN MY HEAD). I know that if you type 'tquittin' I'm the number one result but I also know that no-one in their right mind will ever type tquittin. Just think, back when I smoked I didn't even think about how to get ranked on google. Now I'm looking for my own site despite the fact I have it bookmarked. Maybe I do have side effects from the pills and am just so whacked that I think I don't. Guess I'll find out next week when I go for my next prescription. Not that I left it to the last minute but the pills run out on Thursday and the appointment is on Thursday. Close call or what?

To quote Kerry 'Don't give up giving up'. More tomorrow....

Day 33

HI Folks

First things first. Alison, stop taking the Champix and speak to your doctor. please. You've been off the smokes long enough that you could probably go cold turkey and succeed. Especially if there's folk like Jo and your boss round about you trying to quit too. All of the bad stuff you read about Champix starts with headaches and feeling out of sorts. So much so that before I started taking the pills i discussed it with my wife and we agreed that, the first sign of any adverse effects, I'd stop taking the pills. Even if that meant smoking again until I found another way to quit.

Just to be clear. This blog is, first and foremost, about quitting with Champix. Second it's just about quitting. Third it's a place where anyone can succeed, fail or slag off non-smokers and EXPECT to get sympathy. It's quite possibly the only place on earth that will also offer sympathy, where needed, to those who succeed. Think of this like you think of the smokers area at work. A place where smokers aren't the scourge of society and a place where those who do quit can keep in touch with those who don't. This site is not an advert for taking Champix or giving up smoking.

Having said all of the above there's also a comment from someone in the early days of Champix (Day 7). I don't have a name but this lucky person still has seven guilt free days of smoking to go (although you should really start cutting down about now). Tomorrow you start doubling up the dose. For some folk that's when they start to feel a bit sick, if you do then try eating before each pill, I just farted a lot. Keep us posted on your progress and smoke a couple for me before you stop completely.

As for me. Still struggling on against my better judgement. Got my teeth in to a couple of things at work so I'm finding that bit OK but still want a cig when I get home. Still find non-smokers irritate the shit out of me, even more so now, when they are asking if it feels better etc. Of course it feels better for them but I want to smoke. I'm only quitting because one of the very few things I love more than smoking is breathing and recently I was struggling to do both.

I've also now developed a keen sense of smell for smokers. I don't just mean that I can tell if you've just had a cig. I mean I can pretty much pick out who's a smoker and who's not even if I don't know them. It's not unpleasant, in fact it makes me quite envious, but I can now sense smoke.

Could I get any weirder tomorrow? Only one way to find out....

Day 32

Well it's the start of a new week and also a new month. If all goes to plan then by the end of next week I'll be one month (4 weeks) off the cigs and, presuming I make it, March might well be the first completely smoke free calendar month I've had since I was about 19. all sounds good. Just wish I could get my mind off it more permanently. It's fair to say that I think about it a lot less now, I could make it through a working day now without noticing that I'm not smoking, but it still plagues me during the evening.

I think it's worse trying to quit when you work with IT. Computers have the ability to give even non smokers cravings. I think that Microsoft and Apple are secretly owned by Big Tobacco and are meant to create new smokers every hour. Gadgets that never quite do exactly what they should or are capable of doing more than you are capable of getting them to do can only really be managed using either nicotine or violence. I think the drugs used on violent people are much more fun than Champix.

Of course the only thing more annoying than trying to quit when you work with Tech is trying to quit when you work with people. Did I tell you that I train people to use tech? I'm doomed. It's possible that I may successfully quit smoking but what will I do about the Heroine habit that I've developed as a result?

I notice that even after my shameless attempts to drum up some comments yesterday I am once more alone in the World Wide Web. Come on! If you stumble across this blog let me know if you're finding it any tougher than me. I'll offer advice and sympathy although, in all honesty, I just want a comparison so that I can feel that I'm doing better than you.

Until tomorrow......