Day 60 - quick update

Hi folks

I just wanted to do a quick update as a couple of folk have found the site and left comments and also because I'm embarrassed to admit that I also missed a contributor last week on 24/03. I don't like to miss people when they leave a comment because it cheers me up and makes me feel like I'm perhaps doing something useful.

To the person who left a comment on the day two blog last Wednesday. Hopefully you are now a week in to the Champix and feeling better. If your symptoms do persist or get worse let us know in your comments as Jo and Allison had trouble when they started but haven't stopped quitting.

Yesterday must also have been a big day for not smoking as the site gained one new follower and also got another comment anonymously. Both are from people about to embark on their Champix journey and I genuinely wish them both luck. You wont have to read to far into this site to discover that every experience is different and I'd really appreciate it if you could update us with how you guys get on.

The reason that I'm so keen for people to keep in touch and let us know how they are doing is because when I was considering taking the drug I found it hard to find a general unbiased site. There were plenty that wanted a worldwide ban on the suicide drug whilst others wanted a sainthood for Pfizer. Truth seems to be that the drug is a mixed bag and that results can be wildly different. I started taking it because I knew someone who had used it successfully with only the expected side effects of Nausea. I only needed half the prescription despite being possibly the most committed smoker on earth. Others have stopped quicker than me whilst others have just felt ill from day 1 and been unable to continue.

For me the blog is no longer about Champix because I'm off the Champix for nearly two weeks. For me it's about the longer term irritations of giving up smoking. I'm off it and I'm staying off it and I've even managed to become convinced of that. But I was never one of those smokers that wished they could give up all the time and complained about their health. I liked smoking and I suppose in an ideal world where there was no health impact would still smoke. That aside I'm actually a bit stunned that I've stopped and even more stunned that I feel as if I could stay stopped. Don't get me wrong my mantra still holds true: I'll never be more than one cigarette away from 40 a day. (that could be the start of a poem). What does Poet think?

Yesterday evening after work I got a very sudden and quite severe pressure headache. Nothing to do with smoking or Champix. I was coming up the basement stairs and it just got really sore really quick. It died down to a dull ache after a couple of hours and has remained that way since. Why do I mention it? First time I've felt not well since quitting. Luckily I'm of pretty good health in general and it's about two years since my last day off work. I mention it because even after 6 weeks or so of not smoking the odd event crops up that my body isn't prepared for. Despite the fact that smoking would have done no good what so ever the craving kicked in the minute I felt unwell. 30 odd years of training doesn't disappear over night. The good news is it passed almost so quickly that I didn't notice.

Don't quit quitting folks. I'll catch up with you all at the end of the week if not sooner....

Day 59

Wow! A week really is a long time when you're not blogging.

Day 59, and the start of April, meaning that I've been on this project for nearly three months and off the cigs for almost two. It's 22 days since I even had a draw of a cigarette on 24/02/10. It's 11 days since I took my last Champix. Even by Alan Carr's reckoning I'm now a non smoker.

To the casual observer it may not seem much but, to anyone who has stuck with this site or anyone who knows me, it's nothing short of amazing to think that I really don't smoke. I'm not sure what my doctor will think when they discover that I didn't bother renewing my prescription with Champix. To me it all seems good.

I'm also finding it hard not to recommend to other smokers that they give up. Not because I gave up or because I don't like them smoking. Not because I've succeeded and know that they could or because of some Alan Carr type wish to help. I want to recommend giving up smoking because, as a heavy smoker that didn't want to quit, Champix made it realistically possible to quit.

From a health point of view my cough went away within a couple of days of stopping. Being truly lazy I've no idea if my lung capacity has significantly increased however it certainly hasn't decreased nor can you hear my breathing. I still clear my throat a lot suggesting that there's still badness to come up and I still have spots on my face that I never had as a smoker although they are beginning to die down. I also still get nagging urges to smoke. They don't even begin to compare with what a smoker would normally get but they do still occur. The reason I can ignore them is not because I'm strong. It's just that if I picture smoking in my head it doesn't seem to answer the craving. I still remember that cig back on day 27 and think that, what I want must taste better than that.

From a social point of view smokers don't annoy me and I probably side more with them than with non smokers. I'm almost apologetic if I meet a smoker and they ask where I've been. To be honest I really didn't want to become some sort of ex smoker that couldn't stand smoking. Also I personally still don't find the smell of smoke offensive. I had a smoker in my car earlier this week and was happy to let them smoke provided they opened the window. Whilst they smoked their whole conversation was about how amazing it was to them that I didn't smoke.

From a temperament point of view I'm a bit worried. This week I've felt almost as if I've got the word 'mug' (where I'm from that means idiot) tattooed to my forehead. I needed new brake pads for my car. The manufacturer wanted three times the price that anyone else wanted and then the other places prepared to do the work all wanted to tell me that I needed more work done than I actually required.

I also wanted to upgrade my membership status of a professional body that I belong to. In order to upgrade they want me to provide all sorts of information, recommend a client that would verify what I have said (lies and all) but, and this is the rub, also pay them £500. Even worse the £500 is a special offer price and will increase if I don't take up their offer now.

Finally I'm in the process of changing my bank accounts because my present bank want to charge me £1 per day to bank with them. When I phoned one of the companies that I pay a direct debit to I got an Indian call centre. I need a call centre agent to be fully conversant with my language. I don't care about their sex, age or ethnic origin but English MUST be their first language. To my shame I found myself almost screaming at a poor person over the phone. Not because of my direct debit, not because I'd been on hold, not because I could see on my PC that the info that they had was wrong but, because they just couldn't understand what I was talking about. I hate that. I keep saying that it's got nothing to do with giving up smoking that people are upsetting me but, maybe it has. It's not Champix because I've stopped that over a week ago. I just am in a mood to kill the next person that thinks they can rip me off. Look out chancellor.

Yep. This week was also the budget and cigs went up once again. Apparently only Cider drinking is worse for your health than smoking. Beer and spirits increased in price but cider went through the roof with an increase of 10%. A 2 litre bottle of white lightening might cost about £2.20 now. I could just imagine the Chancellor saying 'what do you make of these apples darling?'. Fuel also went up but, we should somehow feel good about that because, although we will lose our jobs and homes as a result, the planet and government will be much better off. Aaaahhh!!!

The clocks also went forward this week but I for one won't be loosing any sleep over it. Boom boom.

No comments this week so I'm assuming that my fellow quitters are all doing well. Good luck folks. Until next week......

Stay quitting!

Day 52

Hi folks

Felt a wee bit weird not updating the blog every night before bed. Truth is though there's not a lot to blog about.

It genuinely does get easier to not even think about smoking every day now although it does still hang around in the background niggling every so often. Met a guy I've known for years the other day. He offered me a cig within about two seconds of meeting me. He expected me to decline because he knows that I'd rather roll my own but was a bit surprised when my reason for not taking one was that I wasn't smoking. Shame though, turns out he's asked his doc for Champix but the doctor said something stupid like, 'there are other methods of giving up you know'. Personally I'd go to a different doc.

Even if Champix doesn't work for you you should be allowed to try it provided you aren't clinically depressed or suicidal. I think some doctors don't like prescribing it because it costs the health service a lot. Like smoking doesn't!!!! At least now I've given up people will take me seriously if I do get any sort of Chest complaint or cough. For the last 30 years every wheeze has been blamed on smoking. Now it looks like I can actually get ill if I want without having to give anything up. Yippee.

Had a shower earlier on then had a bit of a facial to start the week. As a heavy smoker I always used to try to make sure that I had a pretty thorough facial once a week. Us guys have the additional problem of scraping with a razor every day so it's important to look after our skin. So First I softened with warm soapy water, then exfoliated, then shaved and then used an after shave balm before getting into the shower. After the shower I applied a q10 moisturiser. So am I looking fresh for the start of the week? Nope I look like a spotty teenager going through puberty. I understand that depriving my body of a drug that it's depended on for thirty years was always going to have an effect but I didn't expect this.

Lots of people say the first thing they noticed after giving up was how their skin looked better. If mine gets any worse it will resemble the surface of the moon.

Anyhow, another week looms large. Suppose I better get my beauty sleep. If anything wild happens during the week I'll update you but, if not, I'll definitely update on Sunday. Alison, maybe you can start a blog about what it feels like to go cold turkey on the no-smoking blog. Lol. Hope everybody's managing OK with the no smoking.

Speak soon...

Day 49

Hi folks

Alison, can I just clear something up before I continue. I'm giving up taking Champix. I'm not going back to smoking. It's because I'm so convinced that I'll never go back to smoking that I don't think I need to take any more Champix.

By not taking Champix over the next few days it should become quickly obvious whether my non smoking is actually drug induced or whether I have successfully quit smoking for good and can afford to think about facing the rest of my life without Cigarettes.

Another weekend looms and I'm going away for the next two days. That can be interesting because the only pangs I get for smoking now are the odd occasion when I face a scenario, linked to smoking, that I haven't already faced yet and my brain seems to forget for a couple of minutes that I don't smoke any more.

It's like last Sunday before I went to my mums. My wife had headed off to her mums and I wasn't going to my mums for two hours or so. As I wasn't driving I had a couple of hours to drink beer and watch the football. Suddenly I had all the opportunity in the world to have a sneaky cigarette and no-one would ever know. My brain suddenly started that old familiar routine of making excuses about how 'just the one would be OK' and 'it didn't mean that I had failed to quit'. If a tree falls in the woods when there is no one around to see or hear it, does it make a sound? I think it does. If I had a cigarette and nobody ever found out about it would it make a difference? I think it would. I said it early on in this blog and I meant it. I will never be more than one cigarette away from a forty a day habit.

I've been off the cigs long enough now to know that when my brain mounts one of these increasingly rare attacks I can beat it quite easily. What's more each time I win makes it me more confident that the next time it will be even easier. So I expect that this weekend will throw up some scenarios where my brain will think I should smoke. These probably have nothing to do with addiction and are things purely related to a habit built over a thirty year period. Of course I wont smoke over the weekend. Will I miss Champix? That bit I don't know but I don't think I will.

That's what I'll be reporting on on Sunday. Till then...

Day 48

It's gone. There are no little blue pills in the pack any more. This morning I took what I intend to be the very last Champix I ever take. I do have the prescription and I'm not daft enough to not use it if I think I'm going to smoke. Thing is I'm not going to smoke so I wont be using the prescription.

Yep smoking was a bit of a pig to give up but it's done. For me Champix didn't really intrude too much so I'd like to think that it's also done.

If I put myself back to January, I was about to try and stop doing something I liked and my method was to take a pill I didn't trust to help me do it. Success wasn't exactly built in to my attempt. This probably wasn't helped by the fact that I've seen so many quit attempts fail that I have a deep mistrust for anyone who suddenly says they don't smoke.

So here you have the facts. The danger pill didn't have any of the effects it claimed although it undoubtedly did make it easier to get to not smoking back on day 15. Probably the lack of side effects should have rung alarm bells because days 15-27 were pretty rough and, whilst they may not have been cold turkey, they weren't anything near what Champix promises. Champix is supposed to halt the cravings and numb the sensations if you do smoke. I'd say it's effects were very limited and no where near the claims on the pack.

I now don't smoke. People are even losing interest in how I'm doing or how I feel. I just don't count as a smoker any more. I'm 41. I could reasonably expect to fully recover from smoking by 50 and even fool doctors in to believing that I never smoked. That's a pretty good result. In my life there are other things to deal with but removing smoking from the mix will help an awful lot.

On Friday 29/01/10 I started this blog to chart a daily progress report of stopping smoking. This Friday, seven weeks to the day I'm going to start winding the blog up. From Friday I only intend to update once per week (On a Sunday). It's not that I don't enjoy blogging but I'm running out of ways to say that I'm still not smoking.

Could this really be it? Stay hooked...

Day 47

Hiya. Plan is that tomorrow I take the last of the Champix.

Today I had none and tomorrow is the last pill of that prescription. In my head tomorrows pill counts as a 0.5g dose for both Wed and Thurs which, rather neatly I feel, means that I will have completely given up smoking within 50 days. There's a marketing campaign in there somewhere. If 50 days sounds like a lot try looking at it another way:

I've smoked for 30 years. For the first 15 days of taking Champix I continued to smoke. 35 days ago (that's five weeks) I stopped smoking. I had a sneaky cigarette on day 27 (just three weeks ago) and haven't smoked, or come close, since. In my book that's a pretty good result. In fact it's a bit of a miracle. Ask anyone that knows me. If you're going to try this get folk to bet first. I'd have made a fortune.

If you've stumbled across this page and not read the blog leading up to it you may think that I'm stopping the Champix because it's making me ill. Not so. They didn't even give me the nausea that almost everyone reports. I'm giving them up because I feel confident that I don't need them. If the single best thing that a smoker can do for their health is give up smoking. I've just done the single best thing a smoker can do for their health.

I have a prescription for the next 4 weeks and, after that, should get another for two weeks. I'm hoping not to use these. Ridiculous as it sounds I wasn't keen on taking Champix and amn't keen on continuing with it any further than I have to. I feel certain that I've stopped smoking so feel certain I can stop Champix. I'm not scared to recommend it to anyone but neither am I comfortable that it's safe. I don't like the fact that it hasn't even been tested with alcohol or that nobody seems to know exactly what it's impact is on pregnant ladies or patients with liver problems. The medication just says seek medical advice but from what I can see there is no specific medical advice. I also don't like anything that affects your brain that hasn't been tested over more than one generation. Didn't thalidomide promise a miracle cure?

Thing is I needed to stop smoking and I have. That's job done. Allen Carr's method carries far less risks and you'd probably feel even better if it worked for you but... Read it, if you are any kind of smoker then that's not going to work. Sorry Allen but, if all it takes is to convince yourself that you don't smoke, then I'm convinced I would have tried it before now.

Of course this could all fall apart and I could smoke again in a week a month or a year. I don't think that's going to happen and yet previously that's exactly what I thought would happen. For the first time in my life I not only don't smoke but I also don't want to smoke. For that reason I don't feel that it will fall apart but, even if it did, my lungs have had a very good break. I haven't coughed for more than a fortnight. I don't spit solid stuff. My body needed the break. The longer the break the better. Pity about the spots though. Convinced they are related to stopping and they make me look like a teenager with cleanliness issues. Teenage boys survive cleanliness issues and I'll survive the spots. If that's the only payback it's a cheap price.

Until tomorrow...

Day 46

Yesterday was a bit of a milestone. Being mothers day I went over to my mums and got drunk with my step dad because mothers love that as I'm sure you know. Yesterday was however a landmark as I didn't have any Champix. I decided with my last pills that I would have one every other day to simulate the 0.5mg dose that I started on.

What was it like? We're not just quite as clever as we think we are us humans. Within minutes of not taking the tablets I was desperate for a smoke. Or was I? Think the brain was just playing tricks on me. Decided that if I wasn't taking pills I must smoke. Of course I didn't and after about half an hour the cravings were gone. Today I had a tablet but tomorrow I wont and then I'll have the final one on Wednesday. If all goes to plan I'll be living proof that:

-You don't even need to want to give up to succeed
-That even the common side effects don't happen to everyone
-That it's probably worth having at least one cigarette after your quit date to reassure you that they taste bad
-That Allen Carr is correct about never even taking another draw of a cigarette after you have had the cigarette I mention above (in fact he doesn't think you should have that cigarette)
-That three months of Champix is excessive even for a heavy smoker like me

Today hasn't been all about smoking. For large parts of the day smoking wasn't even on my mind. Let's not forget that just four weeks ago I wasn't just a smoker but was defending smoking to the hilt. I haven't decided yet when it is that I can officially say that I've stopped quitting but it's feeling like it will be some time very soon. What will I have to blog about then??

Until tomorrow....

Day 45

How is it possible to actually become the thing you're giving up?

Today I realised that my giving up smoking actually changes the whole world. It's almost like, if your not going to do it then why would anyone else? I should be chuffed. It would appear that the whole world only smoked because I did. Smoking was only OK if I smoked. It's almost as if I've let people down by giving up.

Of course that's not true but, think about it, is there someone that you measure yourself against? As sure as Monday is the start of the week this person will smoke. No matter what policy they put in place it wont stop this person and they wouldn't want it to. It would appear that, as far as smoking goes at least, I'm the one constant that makes everything safe. Or at least that's the way the world used to work.

I don't smoke. I wont smoke. That means that I wont be the one to make it OK or to make decisions about when the party can be halted to accommodate the smokers. Now you're on your own. Somehow I feel bad about that. I feel like I might be letting you down. Except who was stopping me? Who said it was OK if I smoked?

I'm no longer the champion of smoking so someone will have to step up to the plate. Could it be that I've gone from a non committal quitter to a committed non smoker. Who knows? Stay hooked....

Day 44

Earlier on today I was sitting watching a football game using an online site because I'm too tight to pay for sky.

My wife woke up very early and, as a result of her trying to get the dog out of the bedroom quietly, I woke up early. So I was awake from 9ish and watching this game about 12ish. Don't know why but at about 1pm it occurred to me that, under normal circumstances, I would have already smoked around 30 cigarettes. It was a day off thing. I just smoked constantly until about two in the afternoon.

Giving up smoking will make you a slightly better person in the morning. Don't get me wrong, it won't make up for personality disorders like mine but, it will make you slightly more bearable in the morning. Should you care? Yes you should. Whether you realise it or not you've probably been a grumpy git for years in the morning. How do I know this? Because one of the things that drove me nuts was not getting the required amount of nicotine in the morning. You need to leave early to get somewhere and that means that you can't have two cigs and a coffee before you go. Will you be a ray of sunshine? Don't think so. In fact I really used to get quite upset at people, wife included, who thought it was reasonable to get up and do stuff without allowing time for cigs and coffee.

The more I quit the more I realise that what I've given up is more than just smoking. Whether you realise it or not smoking is a way of life. It does limit you. No I'm not going all non smoker on you but now that I've given up I realise. Five years ago I went to New York. What I liked was that, as a smoker, I spent a lot of time outside bars talking to people whilst I smoked. As a non smoker will I miss this? No. Believe it or not non smokers are allowed to go outside. The reason I mention this is because I'm going to start going out more often.

One of the distinct advantages that I had over the whole world as a smoker was... My ability to remove myself from a situation and return with all the answers. Sometimes because all that was needed was time to think. Sometimes because all that was needed was to discuss things with another smoker. Have I given up being able to walk away and think? Have I given up being able to ask? One of the worst withdrawal symptoms of quitting is that you get a bit irritable. A bit short with folk. Lose a bit of concentration. Maybe that's got nothing to do with smoking. Maybe it's because people forget that the advantages of smoking have nothing to do with nicotine and everything to do with the people that smoke. Maybe it's time for me to get back out amongst the smokers. I've always trusted them over the non-smokers.

Today was easy. Have I ever said that before? See you tomorrow....

Day 43

Is this national no smoking day?? Know it's about now but not sure the exact day. I hate no smoking day. I still hate no smoking day now that I dont smoke. It's just about making folk feel guilty about smoking whilst offering no practical help whatsoever. I'd love to smoke just as a protest but I'm afraid that isn't an option.

Hi all. Especially hi Alison. You must have been leaving your comment whilst I was writing yesterdays post. Weird. Anyway I'm really happy that your still doing well without the Champix.

I'm afraid this will have to be one of my quickest posts ever because it's very late. Fell asleep in front of the TV and have just woken up but didn't want to miss a day so I'm writing this before I go to bed.

Went to the pub tonight. Or should I say went to a pub tonight because the pub that I was heading for has shut so I had to go slightly further afield. The pub that I went to is actually nicer than where I'd normally drink but longer to walk to. Maybe this means that, as well as giving up smoking, I'll be cutting down on my drinking now I don't have a pub on the doorstep. Anyway I mention it because for so many people the thing they always ask about is whether it's harder to cope with not smoking when you have a beer? Well we stayed for three or four pints and I didn't suffer at all. It doesn't even feel odd to not be smoking when I drink.

Still on one pill a day and feeling fine. That's five days now and I've only three pills left so I'm thinking that I'm good to stop the pills all together on Monday. I know it may seem cavalier but Alison and Kerry B are doing well enough without them and I think I've kicked it completely now so don't see any benefit in just seeing out the prescription because it's there. I'm sure someone from Champix would say that you need to take the three months but then they would loose a fortune if everyone stopped at six weeks. Suppose if it doesn't work they'll have the last laugh.

Anyway folks, bed calls, so I'm looking forward to a nice weekend and hope you all are to. Speak tomorrow...

Day 42

Hi Folks

Pleased to see that someone has left a comment that's thinking about giving up and is looking into Champix as a possible method. The problem is, had it not been for the fact that I came in to contact with someone who had smoked heavily and was giving up with Champix, the sort of information that I found online would have meant that I'd never have even considered Champix. Even now when I read the experiences of some of the folk on this site like Jo, Kerry B and Alison I wonder if it's a safe drug.

Because I worked quite closely with someone for three weeks that had been taking Champix for about three weeks before I met them I was able to set my mind at rest. This guy just didn't seem to be affected by the fact that he was giving up a 60 a day habit. What's more he only did it as a notion because he knew it had worked for others. I don't think he'd be too upset at me saying that he didn't expect it to work. The only side effect he had was that the pills made him feel sick for about twenty minutes after taking them. He said it wasn't as bad if he ate before taking the pills but like most smokers he wasn't big on breakfast. If you read my story from day 1-14 you'll see that I wasn't that much more committed than him and I'm coming up for four weeks off smoking. (Not counting my slip up in week 2)

I don't know your circumstances but the only thing I would advise is having someone, family member or partner, keep an eye and let you know if there's any change in your behaviour. Friends and workmates aren't really any good because they'll blame every twitch on the fact that you've given up or not tell you when your an arse because they don't want tot ruin your attempt. It needs to be someone who properly knows you.

As for getting physcologically (hope the spell check knows how to spell it) ready. You take Champix for up to two weeks before you give up. I think this is to let it take hold of your system however the real benefit is that it gives you a chance to get used to the idea and also to see if the Champix is going to have any reaction good or bad. Forget waiting for a good time. It will be a good time in two weeks time (sun will be out and everything)so start taking the pills now so your ready. Hope you'll come back and let us know how you get on.

As to my continuing saga... Well I kind of hinted at this yesterday but didn't really tell the full story. Since Sunday I've felt that I'm over the worst of the cravings and, whilst I do still seem to spend every waking moment thinking about cigarettes, I don't actually want to have a smoke. So on Monday I had precisely eight tablets which was exactly what I needed to take me up to the prescription that the Doc gave me tonight. Thing is there's still four of those tablets left. What I've done since Monday is cut myself down to one tablet per day. My plan is that the remaining four take me to the start of next week and, provided I still feel OK, I may try going without. I have the prescription so I know that if it is even slightly tough I can go back on the pills.

Why am I doing this? I took Champix to help me give up smoking and that is precisely what it has done. I don't want to feel that I'm only not smoking because of Champix. I want to feel that I'm not smoking because I don't smoke anymore. If it's just down to Champix then it's only a matter of time till I start again. I am however very aware that I'm doing well and have no notion of jeopardising that. I know where I am with cravings right now and if there's any shift then I'll be back on the Champix because you've got to remember that they don't take hold immediately. The worst that can happen is that I have a couple of bad days but I genuinely don't think that will happen.

As experiments go, this is the one to watch.

Day 41

Sssshhhhh!!!! There's someone here. They are watching this site but they haven't said hello. Well, what the hell, I'm going to say hello to them. Hello Kerry. Actually I hope you don't mind but I'll have to call you Kerry H because we've already got a Kerry in our happy crew. If you're thinking about giving up smoking or giving up smoking with Champix or you just like to watch smokers suffer then you've stumbled across the right site. If you're trying to help someone to give up smoking then you should show them the site and I'm sure they'll let you know whether it's for them or not.

The good news for Kerry H or anyone else that finds this site is that we're all getting on quite well despite our numerous setbacks. As far as I know Kerry B is managing without the Champix and Kelly was going great guns having given up with Champix on day 8. Jamie T, Jo and Allison have kind of disappeared but I'm sure they'll clock back in with their news at some point. As for me? Well the site was more fun when I was searching for excuses not to give up or cursing non-smokers in general however that's all had to calm down a wee bit now that I'm not smoking and starting to feel better about it. Still have moments but moments I can handle as opposed to the concerted attack of cravings that was week 1.

So do I tell my doctor about my illicit cigarette on day 27 or do I keep it shady? Do doctors have some way to tell that 14 days ago you smoked? Has it left some ink dyed patch at the back of my throat that I'm unaware of?

I'm going because I should be picking up my next six weeks worth of pills but I'm sort of wondering whether I need them or not. I'm fairly certain that I couldn't have managed through the first four weeks without Champix but now I feel pretty comfortable with not smoking. It's not that the pills are giving me any after effects (which is pretty unusual) just that I'm not sure if I need to keep taking them or if they've done their job. I'm not a great fan of popping pills for no reason so I'm thinking of stopping them.

What do you think would happen? Will I suddenly be overcome with cravings and start smoking 60 a day? I haven't made my mind up yet so I'll go for the prescription anyway but any thoughts are welcome.

Maybe we can shoe horn some extreme back in to this quit attempt after all. Stay hooked...

Day 40

Good lord! Day 40. Who'd have thought it? What's more, as I said yesterday, for the last three days I've genuinely felt that I've turned a corner.

To put things into some sort of perspective for you. The last time I bought tobacco was around day 9 or 10 and I've still got some of that packet in a drawer in my office. That was what facilitated my breakdown on day 27. Normally I'd kill off a 50g packet of Golden Virginia in three days at a cost around £12 per pack. That's £120 so far. In that space of time I've had to pay for two prescriptions at a cost of £4 each. Now, because I'm skint at the moment, that money hasn't been going in to a big biscuit jar but we're still talking about a very real saving of £112. It is a very real saving even if I don't have the cash to show because, believe me, with or without cash I'd have spent that money on tobacco and, either done without something else or, taken a hit on the credit card. I didn't give up smoking to save money and wouldn't have done but I'm still happy with the saving none the less.

The only health benefit so far has been the end of my cough. To be honest there's even been some slight upsets on the health front in that I got very spotty last week. Although I've stopped coughing I'm still clearing my throat quite a bit and, and this is quite disgusting, for the last few days I've been picking my nose a lot. Guess some of the stuff that's leaving my lungs is trying to set up a new home at the back of my nasal passages. Not exactly dramatic stuff though is it?

In terms of temperament I think the Champix has done a fair job. Because I'm giving up smoking I only need to say boo to someone and everyone thinks it's the withdrawal symptoms. Truth be known, pretty much anything I've sniped at since January is the sort of stuff I'd have sniped at before January. For me, and those around me, that's been the true benefit of Champix over NRT. In terms of killing cravings though, to be honest there's been times when I've been climbing the walls. It is of course entirely possible that Champix was killing cravings and that things could have been a lot worse without it. I'll never know. Not sure whether Kerry has heard anything from her doc about her reaction to Champix or whether Jo found some sort of alternative but, in the meantime, I'm assuming that no news is good news.

I've got my appointment with the doc on Thursday for my next batch. Believe it or not there's still six weeks to go.

Until tomorrow folks...watch this space

Day 39

Welcome to a new week upon the nicotine free planet that has become me. Not too sure what happened this weekend but I really did get awful close to smoking. I'm glad I didn't. Anyhow today has been fine so I feel a bit better.

Not smoking is becoming a strange feeling now. If you've been keeping up with these posts you'll know how I've felt about smoking at various stages throughout this quit attempt. Yesterday and today however have been a bit strange. The only way I can really describe it is that I have cravings (sometimes quite strong ones) but to be honest I don't really fancy a cigarette. I'm not sure whether my body is getting over the smoking but my mind hasn't caught up or vice versa but one way or another I'm in the very peculiar position of craving something that I don't want and can't satisfy. For me that in itself is a bit of a triumph. Look back through the blog and find one single occasion where I've been any less than 100% certain about what I wanted.

Yep folks as we reach Champix week 6 I'm thinking that we may be starting to turn a corner. The beginning may not be quite out of site yet but if I just continue on this route I'll soon loose sight of where this all started and hopefully be able to concentrate on where it ends. For anyone new to this site thinking about taking the plunge with Champix: Remember that 5 weeks ago I was smoking heavily. Four weeks ago I stopped but I wasn't exactly loving it to say the least. Even one week ago it was in no way certain how this was going to work out. Now I'm at a point where I can't see the start or the end. I'm not lost. I could get back to the start far quicker than I left it. But it just doesn't seem such a nice place anymore.

In a way I'm glad that Champix isn't making this a complete walk in the park. The term that I used back at the start of this was that 'I only sort of want to give up' and yet, even if I started back tomorrow, I've had almost two weeks of completely clear lungs. Supposing it was only a respite it's got to have done my health loads of good.

I think that, if you're only sort of thinking about giving up, and you read this blog, you might soon have actually given up. If you actually want to give up, and you read this blog, you'll almost certainly give up. I hate people who say, 'if I can do it anyone can', but read the blog from the start. I am a smoker that has not even had a whiff of a cigarette in 12 days and haven't properly smoked for nearly four weeks.

The shows not over by a long shot but I think the extreme quitting part might be. I've downgraded now to just plain old quitting. Give it another week or so and we'll need a new status because there has to be a limit on how long you can even call it quitting before you get to say quit.

Scary stuff. More tomorrow.

Day 38

Well here goes with another a week. Depending who's rules you follow it's either 11 days since I smoked that cig back on day 27 or 23 days since I quit back on day 15. Either way it's pretty cool.

What's not so cool is that I still get cravings. Now according to Allen Carr that may be because it takes around three weeks for nicotine to clear your system from the last time you smoked. Following that logic I've got more than a week to carry on before the cravings stop. According to the book even at that stage the physical cravings may stop but actually if I don't get myself mentally in the right place I might still spend my time missing cigs.

Now, forgive me if I've got this wrong but, wasn't the point of taking Champix supposed to be that it stopped the physical cravings? Wouldn't the ideal quit method be to do the Allen Carr bit whilst on Champix? Why do I feel that I'm getting the short end of the wedge here? The Champix isn't doing what it's supposed to and Carr isn't convincing me.

New theory. The doc has prescribed a placebo. I'm having no side effects from Champix because I'm actually going cold turkey. The few odd changes I'm experiencing are the result of nicotine withdrawal.

The plan. Only change to the plan is that thanks to advice of Mr Carr I don't even get to make excuses for a sympathy smoke at some point in the future. Here's the deal at the moment. It's 11 days since I even had a puff of a cig. Trust me on that one. It's another 10 days using the Carr theory before I'm clear. (at least ten days). I'm five weeks into a twelve week dose of Champix. I must be close to, If I'm not actually already being, a non smoker. Yes folks, we're going to tough this out and see what happens. The only real question will be, is non smoking a constant sacrifice that I eventually cave in to, or can I actually start to just enjoy it?

Know what option I'm preferring but, there's always the gamble. Stay hooked....

Day 37

Well it looks like Kelly is fast approaching the 100 hours mark. You'll have been a non smoker for a week very soon. That's pretty impressive for someone who quit on day eight because they didn't want to waste any more money on smoking.

Regular readers will have sussed out that I have got into a routine of updating this blog before I go to bed. It's just the best time for me to get my thoughts together. I do however check the blog at least once or twice a day. Normally when I get up in the morning and can't remember what I wrote the night before and when I check my emails later in the day. It's particularly exciting when you check and there's a new comment. This morning when I checked Kelly mentioned Allen Carrs book in her comments. I've heard of this book on a couple of occasions and have put off looking into it as the last thing I need is a book to give me sensible reasons to quit smoking. But Kelly mentioned she had it in PDF format which meant that it was out there on the Internet. I typed 'Allen Carr, PDF' and it was the first find. If only it were that easy to find this blog. I've linked to the pdf at the side if you don't want to search and fancy reading it.

So since it was free and only just over 100 pages I thought, I'll give it a try. Since the guy's a world authority on his subject I don't want to criticize his methods however I do think he over simplifies the whole thing. He also refuses to accept that anyone likes smoking and strengthens his argument by pointing out that all smokers want to quit. He talks of how he loathed smoking but just couldn't quit. I doubt very much that he would believe me if I said that, I liked smoking. I didn't want to quit. Yes it was making me feel ill. Yes smoking made me feel like an outcast. Yes I was addicted but, I didn't loath it or myself. Yes I wish I'd never started but, I know why I did and I am not lying when I say that I enjoyed it. I am also not lying when I say that giving up feels bloody hellish. The book covers this. Turns out I just think I feel hellish. Also turns out that because I feel hellish I'll probably smoke again. Nope.

So why have I linked the book on my blog if I don't rate it? It doesn't completely work for me but I can follow the logic and it may help others. Also, I may not have fallen for it hook, line and sinker but some of it hit home. I'm not going to have that cigar I mentioned yesterday or in fact another cigarette ever. That's the truth. What he made perfectly clear and I understand completely is that one single draw of a cigarette is the start of a cycle that starts you smoking. I wish I had read the stuff about not torturing yourself by cutting down as well although, there's no way I'd have got from 40 cigs to zero the way he did. A lot of the book plays on peoples sense of pride. Nobody wants to be the weakling. Sorry Allen but your a bigger man than me and I admit it. You went from 100 to zero in a single breath. Good for you.

If everything in his book was as black and white as he paints it, forget smoking, addiction would not exist. Addiction whether harmful or not is usually stronger than logic and has a combination of physical and emotional triggers that combine to ensure that the addict cannot ignore the addiction. Just because you can sleep for eight hours without a cigarette doesn't mean that you have all the tools in your armour to beat your addiction. Think of the people who are a addicted to drink or drugs simply because they need something to get them to sleep.

I'm really pleased that Kelly pointed me to this book though. As I found myself getting angry at some of the over simplistic arguments being proposed I also found that I was angry with myself for picking holes in the arguments. At the risk of sounding like Al Gore writing about the environment there were two very inconvenient truths in the book that I had to accept. Two truths that make the book worth reading even if you don't buy into the whole thing.

First, when you give up you have to completely and utterly give up (which is what I've struggled with). You can't have a cigarette in three days, three weeks, three months or even three years because if you do you will have to give up all over again.

Second, There's absolutely no point moping about it. You are giving up so that you can feel well again and you will, even in spite of yourself, start to feel well again. You are not some sort of martyr because you've given up (and I really am guilty of this) you are not depriving yourself of something that you need and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself that you'll never smoke again. What I need to get my head round is the fact that I've made a decision and need to stick to it. If smoking was doing me any good I wouldn't be trying so hard to quit. It would be far more disappointing for me to go through this and then start smoking again than it will be to never smoke another cig in my life.

So there you have it. If you're reading this blog then you either are quitting or are thinking about it. Click the link and read the book. For some people that's all the help they need. If you are going to try to quit using just the book I'd love to know how you get on. That really would be extreme quitting. Till tomorrow..

Day 36

There's a cigar in my office. It's been kicking about there for almost three years. At one time there were five of them but now only one remains. What a waste it would be to have that cigar sit there in a house full of non smokers. I have a plan for that poor cigar. I like to set myself milestones and get little rewards when I achieve each. Next Thursday I have an appointment with the doc. Next Weekend I'm going to treat myself to that cigar.

In spite of what I've said above, I'm getting pretty used to this no-smoking lark. Now that I have a reward to look forward to it will probably be even easier. It's just the way my twisted brain works. Chances are that by next weekend I wont even want the cigar but, it's not so much having the cigar as, being allowed to have the cigar, that counts. Am I nuts?

No major plans for the weekend so tomorrow I'm just going to kick back and chill. My garden still shows signs of the worst ravages of winter so I may get a brush out and start clearing but, maybe not. We'll see how I feel. I've actually got to a point where I don't need to keep busy every minute to keep my mind off smoking. That in itself is a good sign. I'd almost washed all the paint off the car.

Also, last night I had a dream. I only mention it because, regular readers will already know, I don't ever remember dreams. I don't remember all the detail and what I do remember doesn't exactly make sense however it was a dream and I do remember having it. That's as near to a side effect as I've ever had. Watch this space to see if it becomes a recurrent theme.

Well past bedtime now. I fell asleep in front of the TV earlier. Shows how good the program was. I didn't want to miss a post though so thought I'd get it in before bed.

Night night world. see you in the morning.

Day 35

Well folks. In about15 minutes it will be three full weeks since my quit date and five full weeks since I started on the Champix.

It seems odd to say but it has been a strange, almost accidental, chain of events that has got me here. With almost two weeks off at Christmas I was drinking and smoking almost all day every day. Late at night my resting breath sounded like Darth Vader after a marathon and in the morning it was taking over an hour and several cigs before I could really get a breath between coughs. I can't remember precisely the date but I made my mind up that, much as I loved smoking, it finally had to stop. This was not some preplanned new years resolution. I don't do those.

Fast forward to 05/01/10 and work takes me to a new location to help out with the implementation of a new system that we've spent the last six months training. I'm working with the manager of a team and excuse myself to go for a smoke. At this point giving up is something that I will do at some point but not right now. When I come back the manager explains that he gave up in mid November and got right through Christmas without smoking. What's more it wasn't that difficult.

If he'd been evangelical about it I'd have politely ignored him. If he'd made comments about how much or how often I'd smoked I'd have told him to piss off. Instead he explained that he hadn't particularly planned to stop. He had a sister who smoked a ridiculous amount (60+ per day) who was ill and needed to stop. She took Champix and was now stopped for two years. Last year her partner (also a heavy smoker) managed the same. So this guy thought, why not give it a try. He hadn't even planned to quit. Like me he lied to his doc about nothing else working and got Champix. Within two weeks he was quit.

One of the things that worried me about quitting was the withdrawal symptoms. I work in front of folk all day every day and really can't afford to be spaced out or highly strung. This guy did not seem like someone who was going through withdrawal. I asked about side effects and he said that the pills made him feel sick but otherwise nothing. He brought in the leaflet from the pack for me to read and I took it home and showed my wife. I asked other smokers and they all seemed to have known someone who took Champix. Some were success stories whilst others told of yellowing eyes (Liver problems) and extreme dreams that affected people for the rest of the day. The Internet told an even more extreme story of murders, suicide and the FDA considering withdrawing the drug from the American Market (these guys don't even allow sucrose).

So why did i go to my doctor and ask for Champix? There comes a point where you have to trust what you see. The guy in work seemed fine on the pills. You have to trust yourself and your friends. My wife was well aware of the side effects and we agreed that, any sign of depression or anger, I would stop taking pills and start smoking again with no recriminations.

My doc was awful kean for me to join a group or at least take those breath tests at the Chemist. Not my style. Lots of quit sites recommend you tell everybody or get sponsored. If anyone had even dared to mention sponsorship I would have refused to stop there and then. I did let my boss know but only to cover myself if anything went wrong.

So here we are, about nine weeks or so into the year and I'm five weeks in to the pills and three wees off the cigarettes. Easy? Nope. Enjoyable? Nope. Rewarding? Nope. Anything at all to recommend it? I can't swear to it but I don't think I've coughed this whole week. I can breathe out forcefully and all you hear is air, no hisses or crackles or bronchial stuff. Any downside? I may not crave cigs as much as I used to but I do genuinely miss them.

So now you know. Tomorrow.....

Day 34

Not the greatest day in the world of Champix. After Alison telling us about her headaches and generally feeling weird Kerry has got back in touch (comments on day 32) to say that she's off the pills as well. I almost feel guilty that I haven't had any real side effects at all.

On the plus side Kerry was doing pretty well and may have got enough from the Champix to go it alone now. I hope so. My mentor emailed me today to say that he's now been finished with Champix for a full week and that he's had no kickback from the Champix or sudden cravings to smoke.

Kelly also stumbled across this little smokers corner on day 32 and came back to say she's making the bold attempt to give up on day eight. I went back and checked how I was doing on day eight and it's got to be said that Kelly's braver than me. Kelly if you read from day 15 onwards it may give you some idea of how the next few days might feel. I'd love to know how you get on. You may prove just what a wimp I was when it came to actually stopping. Go for it.

Today I discovered another plus. If you type 'trying to quit smoking with Champix' in to a google search this blog is on page two of the results. tHAT'S LIKE BEING TOP OF THE CHARTS. (tHIS F***ING CAPS LOCK IS BUSTIN MY HEAD). I know that if you type 'tquittin' I'm the number one result but I also know that no-one in their right mind will ever type tquittin. Just think, back when I smoked I didn't even think about how to get ranked on google. Now I'm looking for my own site despite the fact I have it bookmarked. Maybe I do have side effects from the pills and am just so whacked that I think I don't. Guess I'll find out next week when I go for my next prescription. Not that I left it to the last minute but the pills run out on Thursday and the appointment is on Thursday. Close call or what?

To quote Kerry 'Don't give up giving up'. More tomorrow....

Day 33

HI Folks

First things first. Alison, stop taking the Champix and speak to your doctor. please. You've been off the smokes long enough that you could probably go cold turkey and succeed. Especially if there's folk like Jo and your boss round about you trying to quit too. All of the bad stuff you read about Champix starts with headaches and feeling out of sorts. So much so that before I started taking the pills i discussed it with my wife and we agreed that, the first sign of any adverse effects, I'd stop taking the pills. Even if that meant smoking again until I found another way to quit.

Just to be clear. This blog is, first and foremost, about quitting with Champix. Second it's just about quitting. Third it's a place where anyone can succeed, fail or slag off non-smokers and EXPECT to get sympathy. It's quite possibly the only place on earth that will also offer sympathy, where needed, to those who succeed. Think of this like you think of the smokers area at work. A place where smokers aren't the scourge of society and a place where those who do quit can keep in touch with those who don't. This site is not an advert for taking Champix or giving up smoking.

Having said all of the above there's also a comment from someone in the early days of Champix (Day 7). I don't have a name but this lucky person still has seven guilt free days of smoking to go (although you should really start cutting down about now). Tomorrow you start doubling up the dose. For some folk that's when they start to feel a bit sick, if you do then try eating before each pill, I just farted a lot. Keep us posted on your progress and smoke a couple for me before you stop completely.

As for me. Still struggling on against my better judgement. Got my teeth in to a couple of things at work so I'm finding that bit OK but still want a cig when I get home. Still find non-smokers irritate the shit out of me, even more so now, when they are asking if it feels better etc. Of course it feels better for them but I want to smoke. I'm only quitting because one of the very few things I love more than smoking is breathing and recently I was struggling to do both.

I've also now developed a keen sense of smell for smokers. I don't just mean that I can tell if you've just had a cig. I mean I can pretty much pick out who's a smoker and who's not even if I don't know them. It's not unpleasant, in fact it makes me quite envious, but I can now sense smoke.

Could I get any weirder tomorrow? Only one way to find out....

Day 32

Well it's the start of a new week and also a new month. If all goes to plan then by the end of next week I'll be one month (4 weeks) off the cigs and, presuming I make it, March might well be the first completely smoke free calendar month I've had since I was about 19. all sounds good. Just wish I could get my mind off it more permanently. It's fair to say that I think about it a lot less now, I could make it through a working day now without noticing that I'm not smoking, but it still plagues me during the evening.

I think it's worse trying to quit when you work with IT. Computers have the ability to give even non smokers cravings. I think that Microsoft and Apple are secretly owned by Big Tobacco and are meant to create new smokers every hour. Gadgets that never quite do exactly what they should or are capable of doing more than you are capable of getting them to do can only really be managed using either nicotine or violence. I think the drugs used on violent people are much more fun than Champix.

Of course the only thing more annoying than trying to quit when you work with Tech is trying to quit when you work with people. Did I tell you that I train people to use tech? I'm doomed. It's possible that I may successfully quit smoking but what will I do about the Heroine habit that I've developed as a result?

I notice that even after my shameless attempts to drum up some comments yesterday I am once more alone in the World Wide Web. Come on! If you stumble across this blog let me know if you're finding it any tougher than me. I'll offer advice and sympathy although, in all honesty, I just want a comparison so that I can feel that I'm doing better than you.

Until tomorrow......